Moving along

The more I search for answers the more questions I have. I think that I am realizing that faith is just that: faith, believing in something I can't see, feel or understand. It sounds ludicrous. I live in a time where I am taught that anything I desire is within my reach if only I work hard enough, believe hard enough. What a crock of lies. I think this to be Satan's biggest and darkest lie for me. I have searched for a faith that can change my circumstances. When all along I should have been longing for a faith that can endure, regardless of my circumstances. I want to understand a God that can't be understood. It is mostly about me, and no so much about Him. I want to have a faith that is strong and trusting, loyal, unwavering, unconditional, without questions or doubts. I am sure the moment I have this will be the moment before he calls me home. Our lives are not so much about what really happens from moment to moment, but how I respond and react from moment to moment. I am learning, and I think at a remedial pace. At least there is a motion to my life and I'm not in a stagnant state. Even if my steps seem to go backwards, that is part of living. I see so many people not moving at all, toward or away from God. My heart is sad for these only because I am unable to connect to them. Without a passion for something, what is there? I don't mind to be lost as long as I am looking for the way back. I hope you are passionate one way or another about God.