Today

There's really nothing exciting going on to blog about, just random things in my head.  Matthew is in the Young Marine program, similar to Boy Scouts only a lot more disciplined.  He is titled a New Recruit until he passes his PFT (physical fitness training) and a written test.  He's been working really hard to prepare for both tests.  Each NR must run a mile, push-up, pull-ups, sit-ups and a few other things.  They must earn at least 200 points to be promoted or they are recycled and can try again in March.  To earn a 100 points in the mile he must complete it is 7:31.  Today he finished it at home in about 12 minutes.  He does still earn points, just not as many.  The scoring is tough, but it really encourages the kids to work hard.  I'm really proud of the effort he has put into training for his test.  I'm hoping that he will push himself to do better than just the minimum to get promoted, the more points the higher the rank he will receive.  So, we will see.

The weather is so beautiful out and the leaves are starting to turn.  I have been afraid that we wouldn't get any color since it has been so dry out, but I'm seeing some of the leaves showing some signs of that fall splendor.

I am thinking about getting out my fall decorations today.  Since Clay's heart attack in May and my very slow recovery from knee surgery in April, I have felt like I'm down in a dark hole in the ground and I haven't really cared about much of anything.  Looking back I think that I have been depressed, just going through the motions of each day.  It's not a fun place to be in.  I've started to pick up doing the things I've enjoyed like messing with my flower beds, cooking, decorating and just working on projects.  Even ministry work has seemed like a chore, a dreaded chore.  I am seeing that I have to choose each day to be happy, I have to choose joy and ask God to help me to want these.  I haven't really cared at all about these, I have felt like Solomon did when he wrote Ecclesiastes.  Everything seemed meaningless and worthless and nothing really mattered, which in the big picture, is true.  But it's these mundane tasks and activities that help me to feel alive and close to God.  My hands and mind need things to do, I find rest in doing the many things that God has gifted me to do.  I have to change my attitude and get back on track with Him.  The past several months have not been fun, sifting my character and stretching me to "see" how much I need Him has been difficult and sad for me.  I'm seeing the need to push on even when I don't "feel" like it.  If I do what I know to do sooner or later my heart will follow, because it will have to choice.  So today, I'm going to get out the fall decorations and enjoy decorating without the fear that this may be the last holiday that I do so or the last holiday that Clay is hear.  I'm coming out of my hole of fear and pushing forward knowing today is enough!

Sorry that my thoughts are so scattered, but that is who I am most of the time.  Enjoy today, that is all we have anyway.  Today!