Too Full

It was getting close to time to leave and drive into town for the Thanksgiving Worship Celebration.  It happened to be the same day that I had my cat scans and I wasn't feeling well.  I really wanted to stay under the blanket on the couch and sleep but I knew the boys were looking forward to going and getting out.  Clay would not make it home in time to drive so I gathered myself, straightened my hair and put my shoes on.  I did want to go, to worship God with singing, singing with my brothers and sisters.  Singing to God is one of the most beautiful things in the whole world.  So, we loaded up and headed to
church.  Clay was already there waiting for a clean shirt that he desperately needed.  There were a lot of new faces and many familiar ones too.  I took a seat, not feeling up to visiting, hoping that I could just be
invisible and worship without being seen.  Of course this never happens, a few people said hello and made small talk, some even noticed I wasn't feeling well and offered words of kindness.  Now it was time to begin and the first of three churches took the stage leading us in worship to the one who deserves it all.  We sang some familiar songs and some new ones, well new to me.  It was wonderful to worship with His bride.  I have missed this!  It was beautiful and so refreshing!  God fills me up when I'm in worship in ways that I can't express with words.  When I see others worshipping unaffected by those around them, it inspires me.  I love to close my eyes and concentrate on God alone as if no one else is there.  During one of the band changes a few words were spoken, I really don't remember what what said.  One word caught my attention and has been floating around in my head.  Full.  I think the speaker said something about being hungry for God but all I kept thinking about was being full.  How can I be hungry for God if I am already full, full of myself and things that are not of God.  It is amazing how full I can become with worldly things, even "churchy" things.  I even become full with hurt, worry, anger, resentment the list can go on and on.  I want to be hungry for God, for his closeness in my life.  I want to hunger for the relationship I know is only possible with him.  I want to be more aware of my fullness that  takes away from my God.   I think it's time to stop shoving every delicacy in my mouth that I can and to wait for Him.  It's not easy waiting!  Being full is overrated!