Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Alone...
Today is crummy for me! I am having cat scans done today, checking to see how far my cancer has progressed. I won't find out my results until next week when I see my oncologist. For the past couple of weeks, I have been hard to live with. I am easily angered and bothered by the smallest things. I feel as though my life is totally out of control, and I like to be in control. On top of all of this, I am really feeling alone. This journey is not one I want to take alone, but I find that my family is on their own journey. I want so much for someone to share my fear, pain and sorrow and at times my anger. I feel myself shutting down my emotions just so I will survive. I am at a loss for words, just pray for me!
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6 comments:
Cindy--I sure do appreciate your honesty in describing your faith journey. Just know that I will be praying for you today---I have a good friend who is having cat scans today, too and will find out next week if she is still in remission. As I pray for her--I will pray for you.
Keeping our mind off of fear is tough--but it is not true. Satan wants us to dwell there.
I know my friend has said that one blessing of her cancer has been more reliance on the truths of the Bible--filling her mind with that so she doesn't give her mind the space to do the crazy thinking.
Anyways--God bless and I am praying that God will show His joy and peace to you today.
Luanne
Cindy,
Thank-you for sharing your very personal feelings with us. I cannot imagine what you must be going through. But know that you are NOT alone! God is always with you and he loves you very very much! I am praying for you and our life group is too. Everyone that knows you loves you Cindy! Stay positive! I pray you will have peace, contentment, calm and asssurance and know that you are not alone.
I love you!
Laurie
Just wanted to let you know I prayed for you today--and tomorrow I pray that you can find the joy in the day! God bless!
Cindy,
I just happened by your blog and see you too are facing cancer. I cannot believe how many lady bloggers are in your position.
I am adding you to my daily prayer list and will take some time to read some of your previous posts to catch up on your journey.
Bless you and I will be praying.
Cindy
Hi, Cindy. Haven't heard from you or looked at your blog for a while.
My husband was just diagnosed with leukemia, so we are going through something, too.
His was re-diagnosed as the not-so-serious kind (chronic rather than acute), so they will not treat, merely monitor. But, at first, I was crying hysterically all day for several days before I calmed down. My husband is only 58, and our boys 21 and 19, and we need him.
I can understand being afraid of dying. Even though we know Heaven will be better than Earth, it is still the unknown. It is normal to fear the unknown, even if you know with your head that it will be good.
It is normal not to want to leave your family. My husband is going through this fear right now, although it doesn't look like his leukemia is that deadly. But it could always turn deadly...
I think I am in denial right now and feel kind of numb. I just don't think about it, but he thinks about it a lot, because it is he, not I, that has the illness.
That is interesting about separating God from Jesus in this. Does that help you cope?
C.S.Lewis said this: "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be!"
That is how I always feel when I am going through a trial. I will pray for you.
Thought of you today--and prayed for you today.
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