I'm still here

I just wanted to check in and say that I'm still alive. The past month I have been dealing with a knee problem and am currently recovering from knee surgery. So, I haven't felt much like typing or doing anything but, taking pain meds and sleeping or watching TV. Hopefully I will be back to my normal schedule and life very soon. Right now I have a lot of catch-up to do at home.

Enjoy the beautiful spring weather!

Thoughts

As we were traveling the 34+ hours to and from Florida, I was able to enjoy the view out of my window and think, think about everything that we passed by.  I am feeling conviction about my thoughts.  I really have never thought much about my silent thoughts and how it affects me or those around me.  I am very good at holding my tongue only to let my mind silently scream some sarcasm or even wait until I'm alone with my husband and unload what I really wanted to say about a certain situation.  I find that at times it is very difficult to just be still and silent.  I'm not comfortable with the silence in my mind.  I like to be "witty" and "clever" in how I think.  I find that I have an opinion about EVERYTHING, things that don't matter at all.  I have appointed myself the "Socially Acceptable Behavioral Police"  also known as SABP.  If you need to mow your yard, I could be the one to give you a friendly reminder or if you leave your trash cans at the curb after the trash man has emptied them, then another reminder may come your way.  I just think this stupid stuff.  I may make comments to my husband or just in my head, because I am in control over my tongue and am a good christian girl.  I would never say these things to those I'm speaking about, and I probably don't even know.  There are people that I have to see regularly and I can be kind and polite, but inside my mind I'm thinking thoughts that should get my mouth washed out.  So, now that God is bringing this problem to my attention and I'm actually listening, I am taking one day at a time and working on not being sarcastic to myself or to anyone else.  When I'm tempted to think something negative about someone for their behavior or for whatever reason, I'm gently reminded to take that thought captive and remember that I'm accountable to God.  I want to be a blessing to those around me in deed and in my thoughts.  So the last couple of days have been rather interesting.  I'm amazed on what a smart *** I really am.  This is not good.  Maybe when my mind isn't so cluttered with this nonsense God will be able to use it to his glory!

Stirring

We are home from our trip to Florida. It was so nice to get away and enjoy each other! We slept in, watched movies, played outside, ate, went site seeing and basically just relaxed with no agenda. What a blessing it was for us to get a break from our very busy life. I was able to finish a book called The Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore.  It was an incredible true story that I can't stop thinking about.  My heart is being tugged and pulled to make some changes about how I think and act.  I want my life to be what God meant for it to be.  God is definitely getting my attention and how I can make a difference.  I'm feeling called to help the poor, especially children.  I have soooo much and I need to use it to reach those in need.  I need to stop thinking about the next thing I can buy or do that will entertain me and think about how can I use this money, that God gives me, to help those who have nothing.  Why is it that those who have nothing are willing to give the most.  Why do I think twice about giving my time and money away when in reality I won't go without.  I never go without, EVER.  I eat what I want when I want, I go where I want and do what I want.  I am rich beyond imagination.  When I turn on the television it caters to my rich life style, tempting me to want more, buy more and convince me that I deserve more.  REALLY???  I have been so blind, so ignorant to why God has blessed me with wealth.  This has to change!  I want and need to change.  I need God to forgive my selfishness, my sickness that "it is all about me".  I am excited to see what comes next.
There is a stirring within my soul that will no longer be satisfied with what this world offers.  I am aware now, my eyes are open, my heart is aching for others.  I want to love, I long to love others where they are, no questions just love, love, love.  Please continue to stir my heart and soul!

Vanity

Lately for some reason I have been thinking about my own vanity and how it affects others or does it.  A lot of women, not all, obsess over the appearance of not only themselves, but also the appearances of others.  I have at times, more than I like to admit, become vain and judgmental of others.  Growing up I don't remember being this way at all!  My family didn't talk about things like that.  We had clean clothes and bathed regularly but,  I was never made to feel bad about how I looked or dressed.  Well, there were times at school that I knew I didn't own the most up-to-date wardrobe but, I didn't care.  I realized we didn't have the extra money to buy expensive clothes.  That was the normal for me.  Looking back over my adult years I see that the people I had relationships with began to teach me how to be vain and how to look at others and judge their appearance.  It doesn't take much training to be a graduate into the School of Vanity with high honors.  I became very good at judging others and their appearance and what it "really" must say about a person.  How sad is that!  Who do I think I am?!

Anyway, this has me thinking about how my own appearance draws people in or pushes them away.  How effective am I at helping others depending on what I'm wearing??  Do those who see me wearing really nice clothes all matching with accessories feel that I am approachable?  This may sound crazy but, it's true.  The other day I went to a bank that was in an area of town known for money.   As I am standing in line I can feel the piercing eyes of those around me looking at my attire.  I am wearing jeans, that are a little big for me,  and a jacket that I keep forgetting to throw into the washing machine.  I stand thinking, don't make eye contact.  I am wishing the teller would hurry so that I can leave this place.  I guarantee that I won't make the mistake and choose to enter this bank again.  I realize that part of this shame I feel is my own insecurity with who I am.  I know if I had been standing in line with my Mom or Grams I would have felt no shame. 

This bring me to now and how does this affect my personal ministry.  Do those I want to help feel as though I am judging them?  Does my appearance say, "I love and want to serve you." or does it say, "I am better than you and I will make you feel ashamed of who you are?"  This is a huge concern for me lately.  I don't want to be the latter person.  Truly, I am the person who is most comfortable wearing jeans, sweats and a t shirt or sweat shirt every single day.  It's nice to get dressed up every once in awhile, but I know that when I do it makes me feel differently inside.  I am transformed into someone different than who I truly am.  Clothes don't make a person unless you're a graduate of the School of Vanity then it is difficult to overcome my training.  This is where I am today.  Maybe I should donate all of the clothes that transform me into someone less than a child of God.  Think about it!

Crock pot chicken

I'm trying out a new recipe today.  I'm not sure what the name of it is.  Here goes:

6 chicken breast
1 can cream of chicken soup
2 cups sour cream
1 pack of Italian dressing mix

Mix everything together but, the chicken.  Place chicken in crock pot and pour mixture on top, covering the chicken.  Cook on low for 8 hours.  Serve over rice or noodles.

Pretty easy.  I'll let you know how we like it.

Weekend Recap

Hello Monday!
Our weekend seemed to be too busy. Now that Monday is here, I realize how tired I am! Friday after school we cleaned the house then ran errands and did the grocery
shopping. I have been contemplating painting the basement aka "Taylor and Zach's rooms" so Taylor picked out paint colors. Saturday was spent sleeping in, laundry and I thought I would paint the stairwell and still have some time to rest. WRONG!
I am afraid of heights and most of the high painting had to be done on a ladder. I have gotten pretty good at painting and trimming since doing the mural at church. The stair well would have taken about a hour or so if I could have actually reached to the ceiling but, it took 4 hours. It is the first time it has been painted since we moved in 12 years ago. I didn't realize how badly it needed it until I was finished. At least the hard part of it is done. I'm not sure how I will break down painting the rest of the basement. The boys have a lot of posters on the walls plus Zach has a huge amount of project materials that are everywhere. I think if I do one or two walls a day or every few days it won't be feel so insurmountable.  Tay picked two colors a white and a greenish/blue.  I will post pics later. 

Then Sunday was church, lunch and then I went to a movie with Zach and Taylor.  We saw Extraordinary Measures with Harrison Ford.  We really enjoyed it!  I highly recommend it.  After the movie we enjoyed Krispy Kreme donuts, Yum!

After my date with the boys I went back to church to work until WYFO (Worship Your Face Off).

It was a busy weekend.  Normally I don't allow myself to be so busy so that I can rest.  I think this week will be somewhat quiet.  The home school convention is this weekend and I'm really looking forward to it.  It is a great time for me to be renewed and inspired in my efforts to home school the boys. 


If you have time would you say a prayer for me as I work through a situation in my life.  I can't really give any details, just that I'm conflicted in what to do or not do in a certain relationship.  I just can't get it out of my mind and feel myself going into "fix" it mode which may not be pleasing to God.  Anyway, thanks in advance! 


Enjoy your week!

Distracted

Here is the view from where I am sitting right now.  It is after 2 pm and we are finished with school for the day.  Zach's class was also cancelled and I cancelled my appointment today.  The snow is still falling and as I sit here thinking about all of the many things I should be doing I just want to gaze out the window at this tree and snow falling.  It is so beautiful and peaceful.  I opened the window to take the picture and it is so very quiet outside.  It's almost as if God is sprinkling this magical, "heavenly" dust down on us just to quiet us where we are.  I am entranced with the view and the stillness of it all.  It almost brings tears to my eyes.  I think I hear Him calling me to just be distracted and stop worrying and working and enjoy Him today.  I purchased a bible study book that I have not yet started and I think it is calling out to me to open the crisp new pages and dive in.  I so many times ignore these moments for fear of letting go of my to-do lists in my head that I am sure I have missed out on something special with God.  Well, today I'm not going to feel guilty for being distracted by the beauty out side of my window and I'm going to go and begin the study on Esther and listen for Him to speak to me or maybe I'll just enjoying being close to Him.  I love it when he calls me!