Almost each morning I peruse the internet and read a few blogs enjoying the pics and projects that many of these blogs post.  I do enjoy these types of blogs but mostly they give off the idea that
they have it altogether and life is neat and tidy.  I'm not trying to be critical, it's just that it doesn't give a full picture of how messy life really is.  Maybe we don't want to see that but, sometimes we need to.

Life is beautiful, ugly, messy, hard, sad, and totally unpredictable.  Life is sometimes, well mostly all the time, out of our control.  Maybe we don't want to see the messy hard pics of real life, maybe we are comforted by neat, clean, pretty pics.  What I do know is that sometimes I need to see that behind the perfect there are equally and usually more imperfect, difficult struggles.  I want to see how you struggled and cheer you on when you conquered.  These are the real life things that inspire me.

Maybe I should begin this too...

Too Much

I'm going to write everything that I feel is closing in on me at this moment.

-If something happens to Clay, this house will be too much for me to finish on my own.
-I miss having a full kitchen and cooking/shopping is not fun at all!
-Scheduling 2016 teachers needed done 2 weeks ago and January is still empty!
-Curriculum for the entire 2016 still needs chosen
-My heart is far from children's ministry right now
-Youth ministry feels overwhelming and I don't know why
-Am I doing enough for Matt's homeschool?
-Matt's attitude makes me CRAZY right now.
-I'm not enjoying this Christmas season at all and wish it would go away, this makes me sad.
-Still need to Christmas shop, especially for online items the boys have chosen.
-Want to spend time with friends and family but feel like I should be working on the house.
-Need to choose insurance through the Marketplace, but I hate, hate doing it!
-Certain extended family members just hurt me or my family and there's nothing I can do about it.
-I miss Sandy terribly...

I feel like I'm too much right now...

God is NOT in control

I read recently that God's in control and thought, "Is that even in the Bible?"  I've heard it said many times and have probably said it myself.  After doing a little research I couldn't find any scripture that stated those exact words, God's in control.  Please don't misunderstand, I'm a follower of Jesus, but I'm really the one in control of MY life.  I'm the one thing on this planet that has more power than God. Sure God created the entire universe from nothing, formed everything from just a word, but I have more say about my life that He does.  I'm the one thing that stands in the way of Him.  Do I think I'm able to do the things that God does?  No, I'm not insane, but I have free will to chose what to do with
my life, my thoughts, my actions it's all up to me, me, me.  If God controlled everything why would I need the Bible?  Why would I need Jesus?  God controls me just as much as I can control my adult kids or even my dogs!  Do you hear what I'm saying?  I don't believe that God even desires to control me, what He does desire is for me to follow Him, to give Him the lead, to seek His direction for my life.  God desires to grow me spiritually and emotionally to be more mature in the faith, in Him.  When crap hits the fan, and it will, He desires for me to run to Him and allow Him to use it in some way to bring glory to Him and Jesus!  He wants me to learn from my mistakes and how the wielding of my life can either hurt others or help others see Him more clearly.  Of course I believe that God has the power to control anything that he desires with just a word but He doesn't force us to do anything and that's what I love most about God our freedom to serve and love him if I choose to and I choose too!  My life is at best a manageable wreck most of the time but my heart  is to serve God and to ask Him for help
in my day to day messed up life.  God cares about the details of my life good and bad, I know it because I see Him every single day!  When life is hard and unfair, He is there, when life is great, He is
there, when I'm being a brat, He is there and even when I don't want to give him control, He is there.  He's there just wanting to be with me.  God cannot be controlled by me either because He's God!  I can only control ME not anyone else and most of the time I mess that up.  God can use anything we allow Him to for the greater good of the kingdom, if we allow it.  So I know God's not in control of my life and I'm grateful for that.

Cancerversary

Yesterday marked 2 years since my last chemo treatment!  Wow!  Most people may not know that those with a cancer diagnosis count days and milestones that usually revolve around the cancer journey.  Not forgetting what we have survived or what God is doing in our lives.  Each day we have past our last treatment date means a higher chance of survival or living longer than we hoped.   There are days that
I'm lucky enough to forget and then there are days that I can't get it out of my mind.  For the most part I have recovered from the chemo.  My hair has grown back in and I don't feel as tired anymore but underneath, chemo has changed me.  My body and mind do not feel the same as before chemo.  It's hard to explain but chemo changes you.  Adjusting to finding a way to live with what I am now is challenge and some days are harder than others. Doctor appointmens, blood tests and scans are still part of my life and will be until I die.  I guess I feel like sharing this so that those that read will understand a little better.  I may look like I'm healed and back to normal, but somehow I'm not.  It's okay though, as long as you are patient with me and don't mind that this journey has changed me.  If you have friends that are survivors, do something kind for them.  Let them know that you remember and know they are survivors or are still fighting.  Sometimes not acknowledging our journey at all hurts.  Encourage those in your life no matter what they may be going through!


Cindy~

 

Laundry Room Make-Over

I've been working for the last month or so redoing our laundry room and reworking how it functions.  I'm not quite finished yet, but I'm in the home stretch.  Here are a few pictures of the bench I built with only 2 X 4's and left over paint.  It was super simple too.  I purchased the baskets for our shoes at Garden City.

 The bulletin board we already owned and I spray painted it black and then added the cloth on the cork.  I'm still working on adding the push pins around the edges.

 The key board has a hook for each of us with our picture above our set of keys.  This was a lot of fun to make.  It's made from a scrap 1x6, hooks and picture frames.

I'll post more pics in a few days.  

Beauty

What an amazing God we serve!  I get so caught up in my everyday life and the problems that come with it that I can forget how truly amazing God is.  The intricate detail that is visible all around me.  I need to stop and breath in God himself!!  There is beauty all around me in nature, in the food I cook, in the retired greeter at Walmart, in the crying child, even in death there is beauty.  We may need to look closer, listen harder or adjust our mindset to what beauty really is.  Look how beautiful death on a cross is to those that need a savior.  Beauty is all around, I hope to notice it more today.

My First Love

I have an ache in my heart and an emptiness that I cannot explain.  As I sat down to do my devo this verse is what popped out:


  Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.
Rev. 2:4


Wow!!  How convicting and right these words are for me.  As I look back on the last few weeks or even months I can see where I have deserted God.  I have not spent time with Him alone, alone without the distractions of my daily life.  That doesn't mean I haven't worked to serve others and help where I can, but I haven't carved out time that only God deserves.  I have missed this time with Him and I know He misses it with me.  I know, I said He misses it with me!  I'm not saying this to sound arrogant I say this because I know how much he loves me!  What a gift He gives to each of us, Himself!!  I have to nurture this relationship.  Doing deeds that glorify Him is wonderful and necessary, but it's not enough.  If I only did things around my home to take care of my family like cook, clean, run errands and so on but never spent time alone with each of my boys or Clay then those relationships would suffer.  I cannot abandon them and expect our relationship to grow or even stay strong, over time I would lose touch of what is going on with each of them and them me.  I have to give time and attention to each in order to stay close and in touch with their lives.  The same is true of God.  Even now I feel lighter realizing where I've been amiss.  God is so true and loving and honest especially when I need it most!!


Enjoy this day He has given you!!