Conflicted

Feeling conflicted. This week I filled in for Terry, our secretary/worship leader, at church. I checked off the list of things he had left for me to do, answered the door and the phone. I caught up on some other things that I had been putting off too. I emptied the change out of the vending machine and refilled it. The coins had really accumulated and it took quite some time to roll all of the coin. As I sat there, rolling coins, the phone rang and I answered. The young lady on the other end was calling to ask for assistance in paying a few utility bills. She told me her story and the circumstances that had led to this point. This isn't uncommon, to get calls from the community in search of help with this or that bill. Each person desperate for help, any help. As I listened and then responded that our church was out of funds to help those in need and then had to tell her I was unable to do anything for her. During this conversation I continued to roll the quarters and dimes that were piled in front of me. How ironic that I had a pile of coin in front of me as I told her I was unable to help her. At that moment the scene of Ebenezer Scrooge counting his money entered my mind. Here I was counting money, that wasn't mine, from a vending machine that sells junk food and telling a woman in need that there was nothing I could do. How sad! Is this what our lives have become, not helping those in need just so I can budget my money to purchase things that I don't need? I don't even know what to do with this, with these feelings of guilt. I want my heart to be burdened for those in need but, I also need wisdom and knowledge of how touch others with God's love. God is working on me, opening my eyes to where I need to change. I don't know exactly what that is yet, but I'm open to it. Having so much, not going without is a huge responsibility and I'm thinking that I may not be that much different from the rich young ruler after all.