Looking Back, One Year Anniversary!

Today is the anniversary of my first chemo treatment.  I'm very grateful for what God has done in me physically, allowing my life to continue here.  I'm also aware of those who continue to fight cancer, and those who have gone on to be with our creator.  There were many days during my treatments that I didn't want to fight anymore, I was tired of being sick and unable to do anything on my own.  There were days where walking to the bathroom on my own was a huge accomplishment.  Bathing myself, dressing and even eating were tasks that I could not do alone.  I became completely dependent on Clay and the boys.  There are things I don't fully remember about those days which is probably a blessing.  God was teaching me even then how tight my grip on "being in control" really was.  He was gently prying my fingers open one by one.  It was difficult and very painful for me to let go, to allow God to take over, I mean completely take over.  Even though I nor God caused this cancer, He did allow it.  He also allowed me to see the areas of my life that I kept from Him, the areas I didn't trust Him to have.  I'm still learning to give Him everything each day, but I've come so far since last year.  I'm not the same as I was physically, emotionally or spiritually, I doubt I ever will be.  I have to embrace my life I have today not forgetting where I've come from.  One year ago today my life took another path, one I really didn't plan on, but one that opened my eyes and my hands.  


I love this Cindy Morgan song and how she puts into words what my heart feels: