It isn't about me

On my home today, I was alone in the van, and began praying out loud for whoever came to mind. Many of those that came to mind were kids in the youth group as well as my own boys and myself. The last 5 years have been such a roller coaster of emotion, turmoil, the unknown, anger, questions, more anger. As I am praying today for those kids who are going through similar emotions with different circumstances, the spirit spoke to me. I was praying for the kids to be able to love others and live a life that brings glory to God even in the midst of the turmoil in their live. I am seeing that this is what God is trying to teach me, to develop in my character, that during the dark, dark days of my life I have to stop thinking of myself and see the hurts and pains of others around me. I have become so wrapped up in my own pain that I couldn't see what was going on around me. It is so difficult to admit that my life isn't about me. I want my life to be about me and what I want and need. I like it that way. How selfish it is, I know. I could concentrate on others for a short amount of time when my life was all roses and candy, but as I started struggling, my focus was narrow and selfish. This is where God is changing me, slowly. I want to share my pain along the way, not after the crisis is over. I want to help others along the way even if I don't have much to give. Hopefully that is when I am so broken that Christ will totally shine through and there will be no doubt that it is Christ and not me. It has only taken some of the darkest days of my life thus far to finally see this. My life isn't about me, my life isn't about me. I hope to hear these words in my heart and head the next time I lose focus!