Too Full

It was getting close to time to leave and drive into town for the Thanksgiving Worship Celebration.  It happened to be the same day that I had my cat scans and I wasn't feeling well.  I really wanted to stay under the blanket on the couch and sleep but I knew the boys were looking forward to going and getting out.  Clay would not make it home in time to drive so I gathered myself, straightened my hair and put my shoes on.  I did want to go, to worship God with singing, singing with my brothers and sisters.  Singing to God is one of the most beautiful things in the whole world.  So, we loaded up and headed to
church.  Clay was already there waiting for a clean shirt that he desperately needed.  There were a lot of new faces and many familiar ones too.  I took a seat, not feeling up to visiting, hoping that I could just be
invisible and worship without being seen.  Of course this never happens, a few people said hello and made small talk, some even noticed I wasn't feeling well and offered words of kindness.  Now it was time to begin and the first of three churches took the stage leading us in worship to the one who deserves it all.  We sang some familiar songs and some new ones, well new to me.  It was wonderful to worship with His bride.  I have missed this!  It was beautiful and so refreshing!  God fills me up when I'm in worship in ways that I can't express with words.  When I see others worshipping unaffected by those around them, it inspires me.  I love to close my eyes and concentrate on God alone as if no one else is there.  During one of the band changes a few words were spoken, I really don't remember what what said.  One word caught my attention and has been floating around in my head.  Full.  I think the speaker said something about being hungry for God but all I kept thinking about was being full.  How can I be hungry for God if I am already full, full of myself and things that are not of God.  It is amazing how full I can become with worldly things, even "churchy" things.  I even become full with hurt, worry, anger, resentment the list can go on and on.  I want to be hungry for God, for his closeness in my life.  I want to hunger for the relationship I know is only possible with him.  I want to be more aware of my fullness that  takes away from my God.   I think it's time to stop shoving every delicacy in my mouth that I can and to wait for Him.  It's not easy waiting!  Being full is overrated!

Randomness

Last Friday evening all five us went out to a movie and dinner.  Now that Zach is in college it is rare that we are all home at one time.  We ate dinner at the mall then walked around and shopped a little, it was nice.   Christmas decorations are on display and Christmas music is in the air.  It is hard not to become excited about the holiday seasons.  As we left the mall it had been snowing!  I love, love, love snow!!  I can't express how much I love snow.  It was a perfect ending to our evening together.  God was putting a cherry on top and I felt like it was just for me, even though I'm sure it wasn't.  Being with my husband and boys is so precious to me right now.  I think knowing that soon the boys will be all grown, married and having children of their very own will come much sooner than later.  Time seems to go by so quickly.

As a parent, it can be very difficult to stand back and allow your child to make a decision that maybe they haven't fully thought through.  Allowing the consequences to a decision to be their teacher is not easy.  Giving up my control is not easy.  When they were small, controlling them was necessary.  So, this school year I'm saying less (or at least trying) and letting the chips fall where they may.  So far it has been a good experience for all of us.  I will never stop reminding my boys of what God expects of them and the choices they make, but I have to allow them to choose.

I can't express enough how important teaching our children God's word each day is.  Each day we open a daily devotional book and our bibles and spend time discussing what God's word says.  The boys look up scripture and take turns reading and sharing their own thoughts.  If Zach is available he still joins in with us.  God's word is so vital to their growth and mine!

This post has turned out to be random thoughts.  Sometimes I'm just not sure what to share or how much.  I don't want to sound "preachy".  I'm just passionate about teaching our kids about God and how much He loves them.

The last couple of weeks I've not been feeling great.  I have been running low grade fevers for the last few days.  I am having cat scans done this Friday to see what's going on.  Today I went in for a blood draw and to pick up the "delicious" drink for the cts.  I won't see the oncologist until next Friday to hear the results.  The waiting is difficult.  If you have never been to a cancer clinic, it's not fun either.  Obviously everyone in the waiting room is fighting some type of cancer and would rather be anywhere else on earth but in "this" waiting room.  There are cushioned chairs, a TV, magazines and a large fish tank to distract us while we wait for our name to be called.  The walls are painted a boring white color and it smells like a hospital. It is a dismal place.  I remember once walking in and outside a woman was sobbing and talking on the phone.  The news she received was not what she was hoping for.  My heart ached for her.  It is hard to have cancer!  It is hard to sit in the "waiting" room. I want to be in the "living" room!  I'm not sure if a "living" room should have chairs or not.  It should have bright colors, smells of fruits, holidays or baked pies, music that my toe has to keep beat to and delicious treats and drinks.  In the corner would be a special place for puppies that we could pick up and play with.  All of these things remind me of God and heaven.  I know that God is in the dismal "waiting" room too, I just like my design better.  Okay, my random nonsense should stop now.  Can you tell I'm bored and tired?

Enjoy your week!